The 2024 election has been going on for about 300 years, and also for two months. It will never end, and it will also end, but in a way that might never end. If that doesn’t make any sense, welcome to the 2024 election. You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave.
As elections drag on, they tend to pick up certain catchphrases or ideas that define them in the years and decades to come. Long after we forget how many electoral votes the candidates won, or where their polling outpaced or underestimated their final outcome, we remember a few things they said, or something that happened that defined the race in its final moments.
There was the “giant sucking sound” that Texas billionaire Ross Perot claimed Americans would hear as our jobs fled south to Mexico due to the NAFTA trade agreement. Al Gore claimed up and down that Social Security would be protected by a “lockbox” if he won in 2000, with George W. Bush’s equally memorable reply that Gore’s lockbox was comprised of “fuzzy math.” You could gab endlessly about Mitt Romney’s car elevator and “47% tape,” Michael Dukakis riding in a tank, Bill Clinton not inhaling while wearing “usually briefs,” and on and on. Some memorable election catchphrases weren’t even things the candidate said – like Sarah Palin cheerfully declaring that she could “see Russia from my house,” which Tina Fey actually said on Saturday Night Live.
Because Donald Trump has been running for president for over a decade, and this election for two years, and because every moment of the campaign is captured and distributed on social media, we have an endless stream of such phrases and moments – things that will define the 2024 election and which will make little or no sense in the future. And since the election has become all-consuming and endless, we’re all getting sick of them and will never, ever want to hear them again.
Here are some 2024 election catchphrases and memes that nobody will ever want to hear again.
“They’re Eating the Dogs!” – the moral panic that Haitian asylum seekers living in Springfield, OH were stealing and eating the cats and dogs of local residents went from something you’d see in a chain email to being screamed at maximum volume by Trump during his debate with Kamala Harris. Yes, it’s funny and insane, but it’s also a deeply racist and harmful trope that evokes past canards like the blood libel. This isn’t happening, it never happened, it’s hurting the people of Springfield, it was always a racist accusation made to make the Biden administration look like it was importing criminal lunatics, and we should stop talking about it after the election.
“The Weave” – In September, as it started to become clear that Trump was having difficulty sustaining coherent thoughts and speaking in complete sentences, he tried to rebrand his incoherent rambling as purposeful. He even gave it a name, calling it “the weave.” He would then work in a mention of “the weave” as part of his style, veering from topic to topic because he had a lot of wisdom to impart and couldn’t be constrained by the usual way losers finished one thought before starting another.
“I’ll talk about like nine different things, and they all come back brilliantly together, and it’s like, friends of mine that are, like, English professors, they say, ‘It’s the most brilliant thing I’ve ever seen,'” he told a rapt audience in Pennsylvania. It’s not brilliant, nor is it a way that people talk when they want to convey something important. It could be a sign of encroaching cognitive failure, though Trump refuses to release any sort of medical records to confirm it. And it’s not especially endearing in someone who is supposed to negotiate with high-level leaders and keep America’s nuclear arsenal safe.
“Make America Healthy Again” – remember when Robert F. Kennedy Jr. endorsed Trump and it was supposed to be a “unity ticket” meant to rid the country of toxic food and chemicals? Yeah, nobody else does either. The “Kennedy bounce” didn’t materialize, and the “MAHA movement” lasted about three minutes before everyone remembered Trump is a fast food addict who thinks humans are born with a finite about of energy.
“Kamala’s internals are cooked” – During the final stretch of the election, every time the Harris campaign would announce an endorsement, event, or new policy; a legion of Elon Musk bootlickers with 300 followers and a paid-for check mark would emerge declaring that her handlers had secret internal polling that showed she was losing badly. It’s certainly possible that she has internal polling that shows her losing, but if she does, I wouldn’t count on “MaximusMAGA2323493” with 167 followers and paid verification to know about it. Polling has gotten fairly unreliable in general, and claiming you know anything about proprietary polling a candidate has done for themselves is just stupid.
Betting markets – Betting markets like Polymarket that let you place wagers on who will win the election are not polls. They are easily manipulated and unregulated dark money black holes where anonymous figures can dump crypto into changing the public perception of a race by making it look like one candidate is doing well, and another is crashing. They are not polls, and they probably shouldn’t be legal in the US.
“Dark MAGA” – Please, God, enough.
“She never even worked at McDonalds” – Trump has spent months obsessing over Kamala Harris claiming to have worked at McDonalds in her youth. Like most short-term teenage jobs from decades ago, there’s little evidence of her having worked there, but she talks about it a lot, and there’s no reason to think she’s lying. I’ve worked in jobs as a high-school and college student where there’s probably no evidence I was ever there, and nobody I worked with would remember me. I still worked those jobs. And Americans struggling to pay their bills don’t give a damn what Trump thinks about Kamala’s summer gig working the french fry machine.
“The Former Guy” – this one started well before the 2024 election as a nickname that Joe Biden gave to Trump in February 2021. It’s understandable that Biden would want to put distance between his new presidency and the Trump years, choosing to focus on his own accomplishments rather than simply talking about Trump. And it makes sense that the nickname, often written just as “TFG” would take off on social media. After all, who wants to talk about “the former guy” when we can talk about the current guy? The problem is that Trump was never actually “the former guy.” Even after leaving office, he was the de facto head of the Republican Party, orchestrated the acts of Congressional Republicans from far away, and was always the presumptive nominee to run again.
Even if he loses, there’s a decent chance he runs yet again in 2028. And even if he doesn’t, he’s still going to exert total control of the Party until he’s no longer among us. So calling him “former guy” is not actually accurate or amusing. Sadly, until further notice, he’s just “the guy.”
Or at least until we come up with another annoying nickname for him.
Mike Rothschild 