Conspiracy Theorist Excuses for Losing the Midterms!

Every election cycle seems a little more beset by conspiracy theories, outrageous and unfounded accusations, and bizarre plots. They get weirder, and yet more normal at the same time.

The conspiracy theory community has mobilized to support Donald Trump and his fellow Republicans. And they’re going much further than anything that happened to John McCain in 2000,  desperately trying to shore up their support with suburban white women by terrifying them into a thinking a rape caravan of ISIS invaders is (very slowly) making its way north to take their jobs, force them to drive electric cars, and treat refugees humanely.

But one day before the election, polling for the House of Representatives doesn’t look good, nor does it look good for Republicans to keep their death grip on state legislatures.

And if there’s one thing conspiracy theorists are good at, it’s making excuses for why the stuff they theorized didn’t come to pass.

So here are a few of the most prevalent excuses you’re likely to see on conspiracy theory social media if the election really does go the way it’s looking:

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Debunking Parkland Shooting Conspiracy Theories

The shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, unleashed wave after wave of conspiracy theories. And rather than ignore them, our posture should be actively debunking them.

LA Times correspondent Matt Pearce made an observation about the inevitable churn of conspiracy theories and nonsense that now follow every such event:

As soon as the shooting in Parkland became public, so too did the un-evidenced claims that “something wasn’t right” about the “official story.” Usually, the accusation is that the shooting was a “false flag” planned by the authorities to either restrict gun rights or instill fear in the population.

As “evidence” that the shooting was “fishy,” conspiracy theorists almost always amplify early reports that a second shooter was involved. A second gunman increase the body count and create more fear, and exposing them instantly puts a lie to the “official story.”

Sure enough, the right wing grief ghouls and professional conspiracy grifters instantly found a video of a traumatized student saying she spoke to the shooter, and also heard shots coming from another part of the school.

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On GOP Train Crash Conspiracy Theories

Conspiracy theories are like cheap ramen noodles. Easy to make, lacking substance, and quickly forgotten.

Earlier today, an Amtrak train carrying Republican members of Congress to a retreat at the Greenbrier resort in West Virginia hit a dump truck that was on the tracks for an unknown reason.

The truck driver was killed, a passenger severely injured, and several GOPers suffered minor injuries as a result of the accident.

Normally, this kind of thing would be the domain of local news. However, the Republican party has been hijacked by a gang of conspiracy theorists who see the Obama/Clinton Deep State at work every time they stub their toe or the grocery store runs out of their favorite cereal.

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