Did you know that James Comey left a cryptic message in his tweet jumping on the “five jobs I had” trend? And that message detailed the location, date, and subject of the deep state’s next false flag attack?

You didn’t hear that? Well it’s obviously because the “MSM” didn’t want you to hear it. But if you knew what to look for, if you had the special knowledge it takes to decode what [these people] are *really* saying in their tweets…well…it would be obvious.

There comes a point in studying conspiracy theories where it’s impossible to tell if something is real or a parody. This tweet is a perfect example. It looks like parody, full of red circles, arrows, gibberish, and rhetorical questions –  but also exactly like the real decode of a “deep state” tweet would be.

The poster’s bio claims to “collect, list and participate in the Blogoshphere [sic],” a sentence that reads like a Russian webcrawler bot stumbled on the horse_ebooks hoax. But it’s also posted by someone who does not let on for a moment that there’s a joke, or that they’re in on it. Their account is wall to wall Trump retweets, QAnon garbage, and conservative memes. Are they a real person? A bot? A hoax? Who can say?

Whatever it is, this kind of thing is perfect for QAnon believers to grab on to. Q is posting less and less, and what they do post having less impact. And so like starving villagers fanning out into the countryside to forage for whatever they can find, Q’s acolytes are latching on to interpretations and theories that stray from the realm of the possible into raw, uncut nonsense.

You know, like James Comey leaking an attack on a random charter school benefit in rural California.

Why does anyone believe this? Who could possibly think that James Comey is tipping some attack against a tiny charter school association? And why would the deep state attack such an odd, strategically unimportant target anyway?

It has all the hallmarks of previous QAnon flights of fancy, for one. This is a conspiracy theory that claims the only reason anyone in power dies is because they’re executed, any time a plane crashes it’s because of terrorism, and that every negative event anywhere is simply a planned distraction from something else.

When one of the mottoes of your conspiracy is “no coincidences,” you’ve been set up to believe anything. Hell, this isn’t even the first time one of James Comey’s tweets, which are about as sinister and mysterious as a cup of chamomile tea, have been pulled into QAnon’s web of brain worms. Remember his tweet about his dog dying, which was also a tip of the hand that George HW Bush had been executed, but was actually about his dog dying?

QAnon social media is full of “decodes” like this. It’s a movement made for turning nothing into something, then pretending that you’ve been granted secret knowledge. There’s no secret knowledge here, though. There’s just a silly hashtag game (and was everyone playing the game professing their five jihads? Or just James Comey?) and a backwards-looking “interpretation” that invented a pattern and assigned meaning to it.

Nothing is going to happen at the Grass Valley Charter School Foundation benefit, other than the people running it likely getting showered with conspiracy theory nonsense.

And when nothing happens, the original poster or other Q interpreters will claim that their “vigilance” prevented a tragedy, and that the deep state scuttled their plans thanks to the brave digital soldiers of QAnon.

In the end, the Tom Clancy meets Dan Brown meets “The Turner Diaries” ethos of QAnon will continue for another day, full of people desperate to explain why their miserable lives turned out the way they did.

Maybe it’s because they waste their time on garbage like this.

 

5/3/19 update: the Blue Marble Jubilee, referenced in the initial tweet as the target of James Comey jihad, was cancelled due to violent threats. Nice work, QAnon. You cost a tiny school foundation a ton of money.